Dissapointment

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”
Eliza Tabor

Farewell My Beloved

It seems just like yesterday that the moon was sighted and your light shone upon us all.
Wasn’t it just yesterday that the nights seemed to be more peaceful and calm, so welcoming with open arms imploring me to awake from my sleep and benefit from the glorious mercy of my Lord?
Others celebrate with joy rightly so as the blessed day of Eid has arrived yet I feel some what solemn, sad because my beloved has left me yet again for another long year.
My body and soul had become accustomed to your fulfilling, blessed and spiritually cleansing days and my heart longed and continues to long for your ever so tranquil, mysterious and blissful nights.
I know not when the night of power was but I am certain it has left us behind and will not return for another long year.
Confusion arises at whether the moon has been sighted or not and at first I am disturbed by the so called early sighting of the crescent but then my heart rests and says… it may bring the return of my beloved one day closer so Alhamdulillah for what may be a blessing in disguise.
Farewell my beloved for your return I pray I am alive and here to welcome you with a humble heart and the sincere devotion you deserve ameen.

Umber Alam
(Umm Yaqub)

Nafsi Nafsi!

When ever I call my sister the first thing I ask about are the well being of my beloved nephew and niece, how are they? Are they well? What are they doing? Etc. Even when I am not on the phone to her I often think of them and wonder how they are infact many times a day do I verbally speak about them to my own son.

So when it comes to my own son of course he is always on my mind. As I close my eyes when falling asleep his warm body is there close to mine, each time I wake up at night which is only so I can quickly glance at him I check if he is ok. When my eyes open in the morning I quickly look over at him to see how he is. Even if he goes to the local Tesco’s with my husband for a short while I yearn his return and love to see him as he comes in through the front door. For all these reasons my mind is terrified and can hardly comprehend how Horrific the day must be when Allah (SWT) says in the Qur’an:

فَإِذَا نُفِخَ فِي الصُّورِ فَلَا أَنْسَابَ بَيْنَهُمْ يَوْمَئِذٍ وَلَا يَتَسَاءَلُونَ

Then when the Trumpet is blown, there will be no more relationships between them that day, nor will one ask after another!

(Surah Al-Muminun:101)

Imagine that Day when you no longer care about those who you love the only thing on your mind will be ‘Nafsi Nafsi’ ‘Myself Myself’. I think of this as I look at my child and I can not help but cry. Oh my son, my dear beloved son, the light of my eyes how can it be that one Day if you call out to me asking for help I shall run from you being unable to help you? Is it because the truth is you have never loved your child, your husband, brother, sister, mother, father? No the love we have for them is sincere it is true, it is only due to the Horrors of that Day and the reality of that Day that will make us seem as if we are mad. Its difficult for me to understand that this can be true but I know that the Words of Allah (SWT) are true and Allah (SWT) does not lie if Allah (SWT) has told us that this will happen then with out a doubt it will happen.

Have we really thought about this Day enough? More importantly have we prepared for this day and do we fear it? The day when fear alone shall make the hair of a child turn grey Subhana’Allah!

Having children is such a blessing in so many ways. One of the many blessings I found is that it really brings the reality of the Day of Judgment close to home. The ayah above I have read many times before and have thought wow subhana’Allah (SWT) that must be really scary but its only now that I have my own child that I am so terrified of that day when If he calls out to me crying, screaming, in state of panic that I shall run away from caring only for myself, may Allah (SWT) protect us all from this and make us and our children from those who are pious and forgiven by Him Ameen.

Even whilst I was pregnant with him subhana’Allah how much care did I go through to look after myself only because I was carrying him in my womb, then he was born even until this day I feed him his milk allowing him to suckle when he wants giving him comfort. So then again when I read the following ayah the words of Allah (SWT) again it hits home:

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوا رَبَّكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ زَلْزَلَةَ السَّاعَةِ شَيْءٌ عَظِيمٌ

يَوْمَ تَرَوْنَهَا تَذْهَلُ كُلُّ مُرْضِعَةٍ عَمَّا أَرْضَعَتْ وَتَضَعُ كُلُّ ذَاتِ حَمْلٍ حَمْلَهَا وَتَرَى النَّاسَ سُكَارَىٰ وَمَا هُمْ بِسُكَارَىٰ وَلَٰكِنَّ عَذَابَ اللَّهِ شَدِيدٌ
O mankind! fear your Lord! For the convulsion of the Hour (of Judgment) will be a thing terrible!
The Day ye shall see it, every mother giving suck shall forget her suckling-babe, and every pregnant female shall drop her load (unformed): thou shalt see mankind as in a drunken riot, yet not drunk: but dreadful will be the Wrath of Allah.

(Surah Hajj:1-2)

Subhana’Allah my mind can hardly understand the words: ‘every mother giving suck shall forget her suckling babe and every pregnant female shall drop her load’

The thing I tell myself is that, this is not something that may happen, these are the Words of Allah and this Day will come and these things will happen with out a doubt and then I ask myself have I prepared for this am I ready and then I tremble and my eyes swell up with tears as I know the truth is I am far from being ready for such a horrific day.

Allah is telling us: ‘Oh Mankind fear your Lord ! For the convulsion of the Hour (of Judgment) will be a thing terrible!
However what use is this fear if it doesn’t make us repent and yearn to do good? We need to be motivated by this fear to do good, fast often, make tawbah more, give in charity, read and contemplate over the words of Allah, busy yourself in the worship of Allah and make dua make dua make dua as it is the weapon of the believer.

We should fear this Day and no that it will happen without a doubt but also know that we have a Merciful and Forgiving Lord who does not want to punish us rather He loves to forgive us so let us turn to Him and beg for guidance and forgiveness.

The prophet Muhammad (saw) told us that Allah is more merciful to us than a mother is to her child. Subhana’Allah so lets not waste any more time and let us ask Allah to allow us to be under His shade of Mercy and Forgiveness.

Let us seriously prepare for this Day, the Day when we know the horrors of it will be enough to turn the hair of a child grey Allahu Akbar.

Tonight is the 29^th night of Ramadan Allah knows best but perhaps it is the Night of Power Laylatul Qadr. So I turn to my Lord and beg him:

اَللهُمَّ إنَّكَ عَفُوٌّ تُحِبُّ الْعَفْوَ فَاعْفُ عَنِّيْ
Allahumma innaka ‘affuwwun tuhibbul ‘afwa fa’fu ‘anni’ ”
O Allāh You are The One Who pardons greatly, and loves to pardon, so pardon me.

Ill end off with this know that this Day will lead us to either Paradise or the Hellfire our final abode is one of these 2 places without a doubt we will end up in one of them a place of eternal bliss or an abode of torture, blazing fire and sorrow and regret. Let us turn to Allah and prepare before it is too late.